Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize