The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
