By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
