I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize