Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
