I just saw a hot homeless man
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize