I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
