I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
