well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
