Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
