I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
