Sry I called you an 8
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
