the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
