Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hippo gnu deer
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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