so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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