Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
