i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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