i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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