I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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