she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
