My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
