you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
