I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
