good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
