ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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