Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
