Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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