So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
