He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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