we made out on top of his cat.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
