I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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