i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
