no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
