Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
