Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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