Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
