I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
