He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
