Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
