no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
