your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
