Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize