you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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