Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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