if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
