Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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