Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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