he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
