there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I look excited, but its just a facade.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
