I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
