dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
