Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
