so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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