Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
