Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
