That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
