I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
