I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're a waste of cheezeits
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
