Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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