I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Someone shit on the floor
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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