i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
