No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize