you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Shame - the story of my life.
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