Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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