Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
