the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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