You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
