I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
