he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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